How Long Should You Wait To Date After A Breakup

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When Should You Wait To Date After A Breakup?

It is not easy to go through a breakup...period! It is never simple to deal with and when it happens, you are at the worst place in your life, at least, that is how you feel. If you date too early after a breakup, you end up going on rebound, especially, if you haven't dealt with those feelings in the ideal way. Some people say, it is best to give it 30 days or one month to date after a breakup, but it all depends on the kind of breakup and how able the person is to handle it effectively.

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The Time Factor

When you go through a breakup, it is ideal to wait until you are ready to embark on another relationship milestone. Usually 30 to 60 days is the acceptable time for most people. However, there are some people that need more time because they are unable to come to grips with the whole situation. Needing more time is not a sign of weakness, but it is just time to get the courage to move on.

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The Actual Breakup

Yes, there are some people that are less emotionally stronger than others and so might need up to one year to get over the breakup and move on to something new. This does not mean this person is weaker than others that are able to leave the past behind in less time. Some people just find it harder to come to terms that the relationship is truly over. Jumping into a new relationship before dealing with the emotions of the past relationship is a recipe for doom. You will know when your heart has been healed from the hurt of the last relationship. And don't choose another date to fix your past problems. It won't work. It is bound to fail.

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The Single Life

First, you have to come to grips that you are suddenly single once more. How are you going to proceed in your single life? You can choose to stay single, work on your feelings and get to know yourself. Or you can choose to go out with platonic friends until you feel comfortable enough to accept the approach of the opposite sex and consider dating again. Or you could go against better judgment and welcome a new man in your life while you are experiencing unresolved issues that you don't want to spend time dealing with. You must first be able to cope with your single life first before adding another person in it.

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Be Honest

It can be so much fun to date. Be honest about it. Isn't that true? Most people want to be in a satisfying relationship all of the time. No one wants to feel lonely and not everyone wants to stay single all the time. When you have suddenly broken up with someone, it is hard to be patient about finding someone else to fill that gap. It can be quite frustrating to remain calm until you find someone else. The despair and sadness after a breakup is real. It can be exacerbating, lonely, and scary. You may have feelings of rejection, which only makes it hard to be confident about your future relationship. But, it is not healthy to choose to go right into another relationship without a reasonable wait time. Many people make the wrong choice and regret it later. Let's look at some of your viable options.

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Be Patient

Patience is essential to dealing with your breakups. It gives you enough time to work on your emotions so that you are ready for the next relationship. Breaking up is similar to grieving. It is as if you have lost someone dear to you. If you remain friends, it makes the breakup easier, but if it is a nasty separation, it makes it more difficult. Either way, you should take as much time as you need to feel at peace with yourself. In some cases, you might feel rage or anger and you will need a longer time to work through this. If it is too overwhelming, you may have to seek counselling. When you seek help, it will resolve certain feelings that you may have carried from other past relationships. It might even help you to identify your triggers so you don't make the same mistakes again. It will help you to avoid a reactionary or rebound situation. Diving right back into a dating pool might not be the best decision. You don't want to jump overboard and be in this ever constant cycle.

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Learn From Past Mistakes

When you take time to learn from your past mistakes, it puts you into a different mind frame to handle a new relationship. You will be equipped with knowledge you have taken time to decipher. In so doing, you will be prone to have a healthier relationship and you will be ready to take on the challenges of another relationship without dragging your past with you. So, go through our mourning period with patience, making changes where it is needed and paying more attention to improving yourself so you can be a better partner.

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Are You Ready?

You will know when it is time to move on and when you are really ready to become involved with someone else. If you are still caught up in what happened in your past, you are not going to be receptive toward someone new. Sometimes, you might think you are ready and you are not. Seek advice from trusted friends and family members so you are certain you are ready. Speak to someone who will tell you the truth, something that you might not want to hear. It will not be fair to bring your baggage into a new dating scenario. So, don't be selfish. Yes, you might want to take on a partner before you are ready because you don't want to be lonely. But, that is selfish. If you are not ready, then you may choose to go into an unhealthy relationship because you did not give it enough time.

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Working on Yourself

It is best to work on your inner self first and heal those hurts before you invite someone else into your life. Healing is so very important for everyone who goes through a breakup. And you need time to heal. Some people heal sooner than others. Sometimes, if the breakup was caused from cheating, then there is a lot of forgiveness to think about. You also have to deal with the hurt and disappointment that result from the cheating. If you are clinging to the old hurt, it is going to be difficult to move on. You also have to deal with the doubts and resentment that you might feel. You have to be ready to open up your heart to someone new. So, it goes without saying that you have to work on yourself first: mind, body and soul!

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The Urge

After a breakup, you can begin dating someone when you have that insatiable urge to do so. Because this was an internal job (one of the heart), it is necessary to use the last relationship as a learning experience and not act on a sudden urge to start a new relationship. Take time to maintain a journal about your feelings and experience and what you are going to do with what you have learned during the experience. Buy self-help books about relationships. When you don't allow the impulse to get the best of you, but take the time to do things that provide new skills, then you will be ready to apply what you have learned to the new relationship.

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The Four Seasons

If you can be patient enough to go through the four seasons; spring, summer, fall and winter, then you will push aside the urge and wait until the end of winter. Fall and summer are going to be the hardest seasons because there are so many more activities that you usually participate in, leaving room for meeting new people. The winter could be easier since most of your days may see you cloaked up and keeping warm. If you happen to meet someone in any one of those seasons and you think he or she is the right one, then if it is genuine, the person won't mind taking it slow or waiting until you have completed the waiting period of all four seasons. It could be worth the wait.

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Processing the Past

You are going to need time to go over the events of the relationship and find out what led to the breakup. This means you need the ideal amount of time to process the past so as to get answers. It might require talking to the person you broke up with so that you can get some type of understanding and closure. This is necessary so that you do it better or differently the next time around.

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Seeking Answers

There are times when you have to confront the person you broke up with. You might have questions that you need answers to. You are going to have to take responsibility for your part in the breakup. The answers may provide you with the information you need to determine the part you played in making the relationship go sour. It takes two to tango and so it might not entirely be the fault of your partner. If it was a cheating relationship, there are small things that you may have done to contribute to such behavior, even though, everyone has a choice. For example, you may be one of those workaholics and don't take enough time to be an active and present partner. The other partner may have felt lonely and sought the comfort of another person. This doesn't mean it is right, but it is a viable explanation, which you will find out when you seek those answers.

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The End of Mourning

When you take the amount of time that you need, then you will know when the mourning ends. You will have a sense of peace that is noticeable. At that time, you will know for sure that you are ready to take on a new relationship. All you did was to take a time out and now the time out has ended, it is time to get back in the dating game. If you sidestep or evade the mourning or grieving period, you are doing yourself a disservice and you are also doing the same thing to the potentially new partner. Therefore, the key is to take a pause, look inward and feel the freedom.

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Make the Right Replacement

Don't replace the grieving period with distractions such as overuse of drugs, alcohol and dating apps. Allow yourself to feel that loss and to experience the sorrow of a breakup. Depending on the intensity of the past relationship, your wait time could be a few months or one year or even longer. It takes some people more time than others. But, you should never carry unnecessary baggage into another relationship or it can cause a lot of drama and possible breakup.

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Additional Considerations

If you are still harboring bitterness and anger, then that is what you are going to put out there. You also don't want to take on the victim mentality. If you continue to think that you are a victim, then you are going into a new relationship with the same thought process, which is not going to be helpful to have a satisfyingly new relationship.

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The Final Consideration

Finally, when you can say you have let go of all the bitterness and anger, then you are ready to begin socializing. You don't have to socialize with the opposite sex right away, but with friends until you feel comfortable enough to invite a male or female person into your new space. It should be like a breath of fresh air for both of you when you finally meet. So, to sum it up, there is not right time to ate after a breakup, but you cannot go wrong with six months to one year.

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