Why You Probably Suck At Dating

There are some people who know how to start and maintain their relationships. These people will oftentimes meet prospective partners and without much effort, but with ease, they are able to make a connection, whether they meet in the grocery store line, work elevator or at a local bar or get hooked up by a friend or even online dating. The individuals that they meet are usually emotionally available and ready for a commitment and they sail through a monogamous hookup as if they are in command. There is no one that considers themselves to suck at dating. No one wants to be in that failed relationship. And there are individuals who find relationships quite a challenge. Are you puzzled about how to use your dating profile to hook up with a boyfriend or meet that guy who is into making a commitment?

The Personality Factor

There are several reasons why people will likely suck at dating A lot of times, it might be due to the person's personality. There are some people that feel the need to always be in control. It could also be as a result of past experiences or the person is unable to express their feelings in a clear manner. The person could have unreasonable expectations, internal intimacy blockage, or tend to g for guys who are emotionally unavailable. At times, some people might not be able to firmly lay down proper boundaries and for that reason, they suck at dating. Since there are no templates to successful dating, it is going to take someone with a strong personality or be that go getter who will get it right from the start.

Don't Be Left Behind

If you feel trapped and don't feel like you are moving forward with a relationship, it might feel like you are back in time when dating was different. If you are always looking at other couples dating and holding hands and feel like you are left behind, you probably are because of not having the tenacity to find a date on your own or a number of other reasons. How do these other couples do it and you can't? You are already out there looking to hook up, but not making any headway. Now you feel like giving up, but you don't have to, if you know exactly what to do.

Identify Your Dating Patterns

If you keep missing the opportunity to hook on to someone for a date, you might be having an internal intimacy blockage that might be standing in your way. Instead of going through all those bad or painful dating experiences, it is time to identify those internal beliefs and patterns, which could be keeping your from moving ahead. Find the barriers that are preventing you or sabotaging you from landing a date.

The Could Be a Barrier

You may have specific barriers that are keeping you back from being good at dating. You may go for the wrong guys; the ones that are cheaters and look and act like most of your exes in the past. You may also be going for someone who is emotionally available. You could walk in a room filled with single men and still go straight for Mr. Unavailable. Somehow, you gravitate towards the guy who is called a bad boy or who is toxic for you, but that is what you like. Let's paint a scenario. Let's say you are in a bar one night and end up picking this guy who you think is the greatest thing and he appears to want to hook up with you, but after a few dates, he suddenly wants to know if you like porn and then he begins to text you at wee hours of the morning when he even makes an effort to hit you up. Since you haven't been having any luck with these dates, you have surrendered in relying on your instincts and end up allowing this guy to get his way. No, don't allow this to happen. You are worth more than that.

Pay Attention to Red Flags

Since you are unable to rely on your instinct when picking up a guy, maybe it is time to give your instinct a tune up. That is the first solution. So here is what you do. Get a pen and paper and make that list that you should have made a long time ago of deal breakers which are not negotiable. List the behaviors and qualities that you will not tolerate whatsoever. When you do meet a person for the first time, be sure to pay attention closely to the possible red flags. When you see them rearing their ugly heads, don't try to rationalize any of them or make any excuses for these red flags. With instincts that have deferred response time, it is best to take everything slower than you normally would at the time you first meet someone and are trying to get to know them. This will give you enough time to detect any warning signals there is prior to becoming deeply involved. It is far better to find out that your date has an addiction to porn after a few dates instead of the day of your wedding or honeymoon night.

Don't Just Look For The Instant Connection

If you don't have an instant connection, you may feel as if you have no interest in this person. So, you look for people who you are instantly connected to and you won't look at guys that you can build the connection with. This means that you are just hooked on your emotions and already planning an escape route, if the guy doesn't give you that touchy feely feelings. If you don't feel your heart race at the sight of him, you may think that it will just be another boring relationship and then run for the doors. You have this superficial 'know how' that you are going to know right away if he is for you or not. And you feel as if you don' want to waste his time and yours. On that first date, you think that this guy is not for you because there is no connection and you try to fake a family issue or you think about going to the bathroom and climbing through the window.

Making Inaccurate Predictions

Based on how your dating past has panned out, you may not be the candidate to decide that a relationship is not for you as a result of the lack of immediate chemistry. You are not the right candidate to predict the success or failure of an existing relationship. If you were to make a prediction, then it probably wouldn't be accurate and this would be based on your past picks. When you feel those sparks and emotions immediately upon meeting someone, it just might not last. You may move too fast because of the fireworks and then you won't get to know each other and then after a while, the relationship might crash and burn. Instead of waiting on immediate chemistry, why not give the guy a chance to prove himself, going much more slowly than you normally would? Remember, it is better to build something from scratch than to depend on superfluous things to start a relationship.

Are Your Expectations Unreasonable?

If you are the kind of person that believes in a lot of fairy tale stories and you are waiting for that charming prince to sweep you off your feet, then you are a hopeless romantic. Nothing is wrong with that, but you must have reasonable expectations. You cannot expect a perfect partner because he does not exist since none of us are perfect and you are going to always be disappointed. Yes, you might see your friends with their partners and boyfriends and think they have that perfect relationship, but if you were to be a fly on the wall, you would know that this is not the case. You are going to date people with all kinds of flaws. So, you have to be ready for this. Never have too high of an expectation that no one can live up to. If you do so, then you are going to remain single. If you want to land a date with prospect of a relationship, then you have to be able to learn how to tolerate other people's imperfections and that includes weird hobbies and infuriating quirks. Give guys a chance and soon you will realize that their imperfections is a lesson that there imperfect people are more real than the fairy tale fantasy that you are living in right now.

Do You Fear Abandonment?

Another reason why you might suck at dating is the fear of abandonment. It could be that you fear the idea of being abandoned so much that you preemptively drive other people away from you. Perhaps you allow someone to come close to you, but if he is not quick to respond to a text you sent, then you start to freak out. If he didn't call to ask for another date as soon as you got home from a date with him, it convinces you that it is over. It is as you never feel safe in the relationship because you are always waiting for something to happen. You have your antennae up as if you think the guy will soon disappear as he may have always done in the past.

Take a Look At Your Past

When someone has a fear of abandonment, it could be something that started during childhood or some other past experience. You may have trigger points from the past that puts you in panic mode every time, you feel as if you are going to be abandoned. Instead of allowing this to happen to you, stay in the present and deal with your present situations as they come up without referencing the past. You also need to be comfortable about being alone. If you enjoy your own company, then fears of abandonment will not be part of your MO. Just keep reminding yourself that you will be OK, if someone decides to leave. Pick up the pieces and move on. If you take this approach, then you won't dwell on abandonment and dating will be so much smoother.

Stop Trying to Please Others

Are you the kind of person who is always trying to please others? If so, then it is likely that you may not know how to set boundaries that protect you. You may not want others to view you as selfish, so you take on a low maintenance approach and so you allow others to roll over you, always agreeing to things that are not in your best interest. You go out of your way for this person while your needs are not met. For example, you may plan a date with a guy and then he calls to say that his buddy is in town and if you would mind hanging out. Instead of saying 'hell no,' you agree to it, even though, you don't feel like he even thought about your feelings. When you allow people to step over you like that, you risk being and feeling depleted because you are always trying to fulfill other people's needs and yours get left by the roadside. You have to protect yourself against this and put more energy into yourself so you can be of use to others in a positive way. Your need for validation might be the reason for not having boundaries and for that reason, you may suck at dating. You should make a decision to not allow anyone to make you do anything you don't want to do. Learn how to say no to an invitation that you find will put you in a compromising position that you don't want to be in.

Is It Hard to Express Your Feelings?

You may be the kind of person who doesn't know how to express specific feelings. You keep your feelings buried and that makes you more vulnerable. You act as if everything is fine because you find it difficult to express your true feelings. Holding on to those feelings make it hard for you to date without being terrified of conflict. If you want to have the kind of intimacy required in a relationship, then you have to learn not to bottle up your feelings. If you don't do this, then you will start to feel resentful, irritated and depressed if your date is not going well and you don't know how to let your feelings known to your partner.

Do You Always Want to Be in Control?

Some people suck at dating because they don't want to give up control and want to always be in control at all times. If you have a compulsion to be in control and you are the kind of person that micromanages things, then you are going to be in for a roller coaster ride when it comes to dating. No one is going to want to put up with your controlling ways. It is better to allow the other person an opportunity to decide their own choices without your input. In addition, compromise is the best solution to solving the issue of control.

Final Thoughts

Even though, you have no template on the ins and outs of dating, you should allow yourself to be guided by someone else's personality, the connection, likes and dislikes and an open communication so that you can both voice concerns and reach a consensus without losing yourself.

Get The Best Dating Advice At AdultHookups

Did we answer all of your questions? If so, then why not take a peek at our other informative dating advice guides NOW RIGHT HERE!

Ever wondered why women prefer dating older men? Find out now by reading our article HERE!