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When Exactly Is It OK To Date Your Friend's Ex

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Is it really OK to date an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend that belonged to your friend? Some people say that exes of your BFF should be off limits. There are times, though, that stuff happens, which you didn't plan or you didn't know would happen to you. It's not that you sought to be with your ex's friend. This could be an honest to goodness fluke or situation that you stumbled into.

It could be that you both have such a serious connection and chemistry; you just don't know how to brush it aside. But, you are still thinking about the history that he or she has with your ex. And that is the big problem.

Ask First

Everyone has a different opinion of exactly when it is OK to date a friend's ex. The rule of thumb is generally to ask the ex first and from the response, you will know how to proceed. If your ex does not mind it, then you forge ahead respectfully and discreetly. However, it won't do you good to hook up with your ex's friend and begin dating without having a conversation with your ex. What if your ex sees you together and is caught by surprise? You will have looked like you were sneaking around and it would not be a good look. So it is better to ask first before taking action.

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The Friendship in Jeopardy

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Because of that, you are now faced with a sticky situation and predicament. Do you walk away or do you not care and go head on into a full-blown relationship with your ex's friend? Of course, the friend might have more to lose than you do. The friendship will be in jeopardy and both of you are going to have a lot of explaining to do. Men can deal with this better than women can. Why? Well, most men might not be the first to admit it, but from a distance, they often appreciate their friend's taste in the women they choose. This is quite natural for men. Moreover, men and women get acquainted with each other's friend and in most cases, it is in a no-hassle and non-threatening way.

During the introduction, this may be the time that the friend thinks that his friend did well in making a choice in women. He might have it at the back of his mind even throughout the friend's relationship with this woman. In fact, he might wish he were in his friend's shoes. So, in other words, a seed might have been planted from the moment that introduction took place.

It Could Get Awkward

It could be that both the ex's girlfriend and the ex's friend both share stuff in common. And so after the breakup, they might run into each other at a mutual exclusive place where they probably all used to hang out or where both used to run into each other back then. Now that the relationship has been absolved, there is an opportunity now for the ex's friend to make his move. Well, that is how most men will think, especially if all along, they were eyeing the girlfriend. When two people have a lot of things in common, it is difficult to just walk away from that. This is especially true in a situation where things didn't work out in the past relationship and both of you are once again single and want to mingle. It is more certain that you will gravitate towards someone you are already familiar with instead of getting to know someone new.

It May Look Bad

Most people don't think you should be with your friend's ex for more than one reasons, but the most significant reason is that it looks bad to those in the circle. Some of the other friends in the circle may think you are a terrible individual. But, this is not necessarily true, if you do this the right way. There are some things you should consider doing before you even move forward with being with your friend's ex. Your approach is going to be important so that you maintain dignity and respect on both sides. Let's take a look at some of those steps you need to take.

Weigh The Options

You should first think about the issue and situation in its entirety. Of course, you are both adults and can make your own decisions to get into a relationship with each other or walk away. You probably think it is no big deal. But, here is what you should consider. Anyone who has had a meaningful and closely tied relationship can tell you that even when you have broken up and think you are over everything; it might still be hard to be around an ex. Therefore, even if a friend is fine with dating an ex of yours, you probably will see less of that friend than you were accustomed to. For example, you may be invited to a party where an ex may be. And you could refrain from going, not because you still have any feelings for the ex, but you just don't want to be in the same room with the person. So, you might not end up going because of this one reason. It will be even harder to go to parties held by someone in your inner circle because you might just bump into your ex.

It Could Be Embarrassing

When you break up with someone, you will tend to want some space between you and that person. It won't be pleasant to see your ex at an event and be aware that your ex on is dating your friend. If you date your friend's ex, be prepared that you and your friend might become distant toward each other. It might also work out that you no longer speak to each other. Do you want to lose your friend? Is it really worth damaging the friendship over a relationship that may not last?

Choose A Casual Hookup

There is a difference between a casual hookup and a connection between two people. A casual hookup is the difference between thinking that he is so fine or she is so sexy. Or it could be that you want to have fun with this person or you just want to hook up because you don't want to be alone. You may even think that there is some connection or that you have things in common or you think there is potential. This is the distinction that you have to make to decide whether it is worth it to date your friend's ex.

Importance of the Friendship

One more thing to consider is that friendships are just as important as relationships are. If you have a true and genuine friend, you don't want to jeopardize the friendship for a relationship that is not guaranteed to last. If you were offered an opportunity to date two girls; one who is your friend's ex and the other a girl you randomly met, it is a no-brainer to date the random girl first to see if that pan out than date your friend's ex. You have to tread very careful when it comes to your long time friendships, especially.

Have Some Respect

Respect is another issue when it comes to dating your friend's ex. Whether you were in a tight circle prior to the breakup or not, your ex could be ridiculed by his buddies or feel slighted if you were to start dating his friend. It could show a lot of disrespect on your part if you were to date your friend's ex. It is possible that people will start gossiping about you, your ex and the friend. It could be a whole mess. If you have strong feelings for the ex, then you have to really think about how you will approach this so as not to offend anyone. If you are seeking marriage in the near future, then you may have to dismiss the thought of dating your friend's ex because he might not be the ideal person to marry since that could cause some serious friction between the friends.

Have A Conversation With The Ex

It goes without saying that you could just go out of your way and inquire from your friend whether or not he or she will feel upset if you were to date the ex. You have nothing to lose to just outright ask. Don't wait until things get serious before asking. In fact, you could ask prior to any plans for a date because what if you don't ask and then you are out on a date, only to stumble upon your ex? That would be kind of awkward, right? And more importantly, you wouldn't want the friendship to be ruined because you were lax by not asking and then the encounter would leave you feeling guilty and your ex feeling upset. If you didn't ask and just told your ex that you were dating his or her friend, it would be more upsetting because it is as if you didn't need any permission. Of course, you don't because you are an adult, but it is just a matter of semantics and the respect factor also plays a role here too.

There Could Be Feelings of Betrayal

When it comes down to it, the entire thing spells a lot of trouble for you and the friend that you would be dating, if you don't handle it right. Why? Well, the ex might think that you guys were hot for each other while the relationship hadn't gone sour yet. He may feel like his friend betrayed him. For that reason, the friendship might end as a result of this. The feelings of betrayal will cut deep and therefore, hard to push to the side.

Proceed With Caution

If you don't mind your friend's sloppy seconds, then you can risk proceeding with the date. Otherwise, there are some things that you should consider as part of the process to making it easier. One thing we already discussed was asking. By asking, it shows that you care enough about the friendship to be honest about your feelings for the ex. This should be a face to face meeting. And of course, it might be awkward at first, but do it gently and allow the person to voice their concerns and answer any pertinent questions that they may have such as when did this happen or how serious is it?

Avoid the Division

Not every situation is the same. There are just some lines that you should never cross. While it might turn into a romance for you, it could also be a situation where your actions could complicate an entire group of friendship and possible cause division among families and friends. You should assess the situation carefully. If the friends were close from childhood, would you want to go in and mess that up? What if they are business partners or college fraternities? These are very fragile relationships that you don't want to contribute to in a negative way.

Get The Go Ahead

Once you meet with your ex and ask whether it would be a problem to date their friend and you communicate this clearly and it is understood and agreed upon, then you have your ex's blessings to continue with the relationship. Then, you don't have to feel guilty or be afraid to move forward. Remember that very strong emotions are involved in this and so you have to be considerate and thoughtful. If your ex-partner expresses any kind of trepidation or initial anger about the whole thing, show that you understand.

Be Discreet

When you get the green light, it doesn't mean that you are suddenly going to upload photos on social media while kissing your friend's ex, especially if you know that your ex will see them. Be discreet and sympathetic. If all of you were accustomed to hanging out at specific venues, change that. Don't revisit some of the places where you and your ex and his friends used to hang out. This, too, could be an awkward situation, if you should all run into each other.

Final Thoughts

The rule of thumb is not to date your friend's ex, if you can do better. But, if you both have strong feelings for each other, it would be best to let it be known within the circle of friends, but first get permission from your ex so he or she is not caught by surprise.

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Is It Okay To Date Your Friend's Ex? - AdultHookups

Learn when it is the appropriate time to date an ex that belonged to your friend. There are some ethical behavior involved and things not to be tolerated.

Is It Okay To Date Your Friend's Ex? - AdultHookups